A great relationship can be a source of support, fun and fufillment. But no one said it was every going to be a walk in the park. Relationship success takes time, effort and commitment.
Good solid honest advice is one of the best things you could have when making a relationship decision. The right advice from the right people could make all the difference when evaluating a mate or situation.
In our fast lives and soppy romantic movies, we are fooled in to believing that relationship success is easy and effortless. No one ever takes the time to explain the strategies that could be implemented, the understanding that needs to be nurtured. Somehow it’s all implied – by default you should know what works and what doesn’t.
Erm ok.
If you hear the neighbours whispering when you leave the house – they could be referring to you as either a spineless jellyfish or a quitter, depending on whether you stay in the unhappy relationship or leave.
My advice to you – is to be smart right from the beginning. Look out for the signs of an healthy relationship or lover from day one. Be aware, don’t make excuses for their behaviour, but also there is no need to be unreasonable or unrealistic in your expectations. As over 60% of marriages now end in divorce – devour this sound advice when making your decisions.
Fore-warned is Fore-armed.
Look Out For These Unhealthy Relationship Types
1. The Aggressive
If you are experiencing any form of physical abuse – get out now. Especially if children are involved. Physical abuse cannot be tolerated.
Take action to maintain your safety – immediately. Discuss the ‘relationship’ only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Resentful One
They never notice your success, accomplishments,new shirt or haircut. They love to rub your mistakes or weaknesses in your face, and completely overlook your positive traits.
They feel better by putting others down. They are emotional blood suckers.
Get out while you still have a back bone. If want to attempt to salvage this ‘relationship’ I recommend doing so with the help of a neutral third party – who will help point out their behaviour in a non-threatening way.
3. The Two-Timer
You sense something is wrong but can’t quite put your finger on it. They are very secretive with their emails and cell phones, but can’t stop interrogating you about yours.
They project their guilty emotions on to you by holding you responsible for all their suspicions, stress and unhappiness.
Get investigating and get out soon.
4. Power Plays
Does the thought of you spending time with friends and family – bring on a case of the severe sulk?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are threatened by those who are importance to you. They are still insecure and threatened despite all your reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this – do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. Not Tonight Honey – I’m Reading
Stress and tension could be the result of vastly differing drives, or a sudden loss of libido.
Discuss things openly and honestly with your lover. Sometimes just a few tweeks of time or help in the home could make all the difference.
The bedroom is and will aways be a bit of a battleground. Unless we can discuss things in a mature and honest manner, low drive could actually be a sign of boredom, fatigue, lack of intimacy, resentment and pure dislike of the other party.
6. The Free Spirit
They were and still are a 60’s child. Young-ish, free-ish, and not now not so single.
They can’t hold down a regular job, are needy and desire a person who will take care of them. What they really need is a parent and not a partner.
If you stay with them for too long you will wind up tired and resentful.
7. Damaged Goods – Handle With Care
A long list of hurts is what these desperate ‘victims’ cling to.
Their hurts would go on for miles if had the courage to write them down and think them over.
Their fragile selves never really accept the fact that you may like or love them, and are committed to them.
Warning – you may get bored of re-assuring them. The intervention of a neutral third party will help point out their negative and gloomy outlook.
8. Love Me Love Me
They are wonderful and wholesome just like apple pie. At least that’s what they were told at home. They can do no wrong, therefore it is all your fault.
Attachment to the adoring parent runs deep. Therefore they are always the cute and innocent party.
It’s time to come back down to earth. Get a neutral third party involved if they do not believe you.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the ‘i’m so wonderful’ myth.
9. No Dirtiness – Unless it Verbal
If you don’t mind funny smells, fungi or bacteria you may be in for a great time. However if cleanliness is your thing, you may want to make a speedy departure.
Surely you want to spend time with someone who takes care of themselves. You can do without a walking talking eco-sysytem.
10. Hellooo – I do Exist
These people are just plain inconsiderate. They are so focused on themselves and their needs and goals that they forget that you are there. They expect you to ask about them, pick them up when their chips are down, wipe their faces – but God forbid you should expect anything in return.
Implement the ‘three strikes and you’re out’ rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms – the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don’t get after the second ‘talk’ send them on their way.
Get out or you will turn in to their door mat.
It is important to keep in mind that your behaviour and personality may be a factor in the unhealthy relationship. Always look at yourself first and determine whether you are contributing to this situation. If you feel that you have made grand efforts, have been honest and sincere, and have expressed your needs clearly and openly – and things still haven’t improved, then it’s time to make decisions. The use of a neutral third party will help them see their ways, but only if they are open, honest and mature enough to look.
You are a child of the universe and you deserve to treated with respect and appreciation at all times.
To your health and happiness!